BLEH.

As the title implies, I'm feeling like BLEH.



I know I'm s'pose to be happy on my girlfriend and father's birthday but I don't know, I just feel out of whack. Beat-down. Torn-apart. Stabbed. All that stuff.


Half of that probably leads to the yuri anime I've been totally addicted to watching, Kannazuki no Miko. It is amazing. And I just LOVE one of the main character~ Chikane Himemiya.


Speaking of favorite characters- I've made a list of all my Favourite Fictional Characters:


And it goes down like this,

-Chikane Himemiya (Kannazuki no Miko)
-Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother)
-Blair Waldorf (Gossip Girl)
-Brittany S. Pierce (Glee)
-Aphrodite La'Fonte (House Of Night)



And some other random things.

Damnit.


I know I should be thankful and everything but there is something crazily wrong with me. . . It's like there's a huge, burning ball of hatred inside of me and I-

I just can't get rid of it.



But besides that, I'm sleeping so late everyday that I'm not gonna be surprised If I suddenly turn 50-years-old tomorrow. I gotta start getting my life in check. But that's hard if the person you love only gets on from like.. 8/7 PM to 3 AM. Depends on what day it is.


Look, I'm definitely not blaming this on her- I love her. As much as life itself. It's just-


This doesn't feel real. To be honest with you. This relationship.. It's like I'm dreaming.

Some part of me wants to get back to reality yet the other part wants to remain constant. I just- I want to prove to myself that I'm not dreaming. But how can I do that when wherever I turn to it's like reality has disappeared.


This week's holiday was supposed be like.. a stress-relief for me. But coincidentally it just added more stress into my mundane life.


I need help. And call me old-fashioned if you want but I need my mum. My mum was my cure. My mum was my help. I tell my mum everything. And she understood.

Yet now she's at India for 2 weeks.. well, she's coming back this Saturday (19th March) but still~


I miss her so.



.. Yea I'm that lame.


But seriously, I can't take this anymore. I need a break from the computer. I need a break from dreaming and turn back to reality.

You'd think It was the other way around but somehow my life now,


It's as if I'm walking on a cloud. I'm nervous, I'm scared and I certainly don't want to look down. . . .

I want to exit that cloud and continue walking on solid land. On reality. Cause to be honest, dreams hurt.



-Kyle.